Sooner then Later....

Cindy:

The last time we met with the oncologist my sister asked her if realistically we could afford to wait till spring to have her commitment ceremony. 

The Oncologist told her that in her professional opinion sooner was better then later.  So here we are planning a ceremony in less then 6 weeks now, just to make sure our mom has a chance to be a part of it and Connie has those memories to look back on. 

As if that weren't enough she's supposed to be closing on they're very first house 2 days before the ceremony.

Mom has had a few good days here and there and it's been nice seeing her have something to look forward to, like making the keepsakes or tasting food even though she doesn't have room for lots.  

Our mother has come a long way in the past year accepting what is to come. Now when I say this, I don't mean only in "death" I mean in "life".

So for those of you who don't know the backstory behind what I'm talking about, here it goes.. 

I should preface this by saying some may read this and with hate in their hearts judge. I want you to know I'm not writing this for those people. 

 I'm writing this to remind those who can see past the hate and forward into love that we have come such a long way in life.

 Many years ago we never imagined a man would walk on the moon, Interracial marriages would be legal, same sex couples would have legal rights, marijuana would become legal, an African American would become the president of the United States or a woman would have the opportunity to run for president herself. 

Yet here we are, everyday life is changing with or without us and you can either move forward with the times or be left behind.  

Ten years ago my younger sister fell in love with someone who would turn out to be such an intricate part of our lives. Someone who would be there for everything that is important from births, illnesses, divorce, to deaths and everything in between. 

  This person coincidently happens to be another woman, who's a human being first and foremost.  When our mother first found out, coming from a middle eastern culture, her religious upbringing would not allow her to accept this relationship. 

But in my mom's words "it's funny how knowing your dying can bring a whole new perspective to the table." 

What used to be important just isn't anymore.

  The reality is we can't control who we fall in love with or the reasons we do. Since Bet's joined our family she has made my sister happier then I've ever seen her. 

 She's been a shoulder to cry on, a source of encouragement, and always there at the drop of a pin.  She's watched all of my children be born, shared every holiday and Sunday dinner with us and I can honestly say I couldn't be happier to welcome her into our family. 

Since the day my sister came out I'd like to think I've been their biggest advocate and protector.

Mind you it took my mom a lot longer to get there but she finally did and I'm very proud of her.

If being a mother has taught me anything, it's that the love we feel for our children should always be unconditional,reciprocated and undying.

A few weeks ago, one morning while on her way to work, Connie called to check in on mom like she does every single morning.  

I was in the middle of hanging a bag of saline when out of nowhere my mom asked Connie, "Why don't the two of you just make it official, already?"

Without seeing my sisters face I could already imagine the look on it. I almost dropped the bag I was holding as I quietly turned to stare at mom to see if she was being sarcastic.

I could hear Connie telling her "Cindy put you up to this didn't she"? As much as I would have liked to take the credit for this, it was all her. 

She said she'd spent the whole night thinking about how much time she'd lost sharing in their happiness while fighting about it and realized all she's ever really wanted for her children is our happiness regardless of who we choose to spend the rest of our lives with. 

So I wondered to myself, "Did mom read "My Numbers"?

And then thought;

Isn't it funny how just one 10 minute conversation on your way to work could turn your numbers & life right around?":-) 

Letting Go...

Cindy:

One of the hardest things to do in life in my opinion is letting go of resentment, hate and a grudge.

The best way I can justify it to myself is whoever can hold the grudge the longest wins..

But As much as I joke about it I think one of the best things about our family is we never have to really say I'm sorry to be sorry.

  Since we were kids no matter how mad we got at each other and even if we didn't talk for days all we had to do to makeup was crack a joke or smile and hug it out without saying the 5 letter word.

I'd like to think if this past year has taught us anything it's that life is too short to live in the past. Although mom didn't really spend any time with us tonight because she hasn't been feeling well since Monday's chemo and doesn't want to catch your cold. 

I want you to know that after everyone left, she did get up for a little while and sat holding my hand telling me how her plan to get you and Sandra to talk and be friends had worked.  

How she had prayed that you would let go of the resentment you've felt towards her. The sister you've have never really had the opportunity to get to know, but are so much like. 

As we sat telling stories from our childhood and laughing tonight, I wished we had never let anything get between this bond that only sisters can share. Because even though dad is no longer a part of our everyday lives, family is hard to come by. 

And I just want you to know how proud of you I am for opening your heart and letting one more person into our tight and exclusive circle.

 You'll never know how with something as simple as having dinner,laughing and welcoming your our sister back into your life, you've helped check one more thing off of mom's never-ending  bucket list.

Love you more then life..I win!

Chemo #16

Cindy:

Mom spent the whole day throwing up every single thing I made her to eat today.

She looked as weak and worn then she has in a long while. After hearing she lost more weight yesterday, I began to think about the conversation you and I had yesterday about postponing your special day. But after seeing how she was today and how excited she's been over the past few days to get things going, I feel like you've made the right choice having it in 8 weeks. Although I want to stay optimistic and say she'll still be here in the spring, I don't want the two of you to miss out in being able to share this special moment because we weren't being realistic.  I'm so proud of how far mom has come over the past year in accepting and finally embracing your loving and beautiful partner. And although it took finding out she was dying to realize what she was fighting for wasn't really worth it.

I'm so glad she came to the conclusion that accepting what is to come and blessing your union is the beginning of healing old wounds. I'm so glad she finally figured it out all on her own, and all I can say is "Better late then never".

Love you more then life, I Win!

Cancer Negotiable...Who Knew?

Cindy:

When I was a kid I remember mom always negotiating for everything. She would never take no for an answer from our private school tuition to my first car.  I usually felt embarrassed and would beg her to stop. If I just would have known how much I'd turn out be like her, I wouldn't have believed it.

Well today I got the very taste of what it must have been like to be mom twenty years ago.

 In the past year we've added a lot of unexpected expenses to our lives from weekly therapeutic massages,medical supplies and co-pays for mom to having our 4th child. After going from a two income household to just my husband's salary it finally hit home we needed to be a lot more conservative with our spending.  I started the day thinking about Benecalorie & Boost Plus and how I wished it was covered by insurance when it really is a necessity in trying to keep mom's weight stable.  I decided to be a little more like mom today and called Rxusa the company I've bought Benecalorie from in the past. This company in my past experience has had great customer service and the best price on Benecalorie I've found to date at $38 a case. Knowing that alot of us within the cancer community use alot of Benecalorie whether as a cancer warrior or in caregiving for a loved one I asked them if they would consider giving cancer warriors and caregivers a discount if I listed them on our blog and they agreed, so if you mention

 "The 6th Opinion" when placing your order a 10% discount will be applied on any prescription or nutritional supplement. No sooner had  I hung up when I got a second call from the genetic testing center that told me last week mom's insurance wasn't going to cover any of the almost $2000 cost for the test she'd had done weeks ago.  I have to say I felt pretty defeated, all I could think was where were we going to get another $2000 dollars to pay for yet another test without putting ourselves too deep into the whole.

So I started calling around trying to figure out if their's some sort of a grant that helps with the cost of this test. But unlike the grants that help pay for Genetic testing for breast and ovarian cancer there are no grants for cdh1 testing at the moment. Which brought me back to my original problem until my phone rang yet a third time.

This time it was the American Cancer Society, calling to let us know they would be sending us complimentary parking passes that my mom had asked about the last time we were at the hospital. She began by asking how my mom was doing and if I had any questions for her about anything.  "As a matter of fact I do." I said. We went on to have a 30 min conversation and before I knew it she had committed to trying to find us some resources and promised to call me back. Within 30 minutes she did just that, she had contacted the genetic counseling center, had asked to speak to a manager and explained to them our situation.  Not only had she gotten them to agree to reduce the cost of the test by 35%.They had also agreed to take $300 in opposed to $1000 down that they had originally asked for and arrange a payment plan for as low a $10 a month if needed.  She even went on to tell me about an organization called Cancer Care who right now is offering a one time $100 check regardless of where you live for transportation for women with cancer who are currently undergoing chemo. They also offer financial assistance with co-pay's for women with stomach, colon or brain cancer. Every little bit helps in today's economy.

I'll post the links below in hope that you find benefit in them.

Rxusa.com

tel:866-843-4154

You can call or place the order online for prescriptions or any nutritional supplements just mention the "The 6th opinion" or when ordering online place in the comments section to receive a 10% discount on anything you order.

http://www.cancercare.org/

Call 800-813-HOPE (4673) and speak with a CancerCare^® social worker

For $100 check for Transportation or 

Help paying Co-Pay's Assistance

American Cancer Society

http://m.cancer.org/treatment/supportprogramsservices/index

tel:800-227-2345

Our hospital has an ACS office in their resource center which has provided my mom with parking passes, gas and Walgreens gift cards to help offset some of the cost in traveling to the hospital several times a week. Check with your local ACS to see if yours does too.

update: 2014 

 Something new we discovered is that some some insurances do cover ensure plus 360 calories drinks. Check with your local medical supply company.

If you knew our mom...

Cindy:

If you knew our mom you'd know:

She's a great cook!

You can never come over to our house and leave without eating.

She never takes no for an answer.

She's as stubborn as a mule.

Family is the most important thing to her. 

She always speaks her mind.

She'd give you the shirt off her back.

She owned a restaurant for several years.

She's a divorced mother of three.

Grandmother to 10.

She's a fighter.

Next Please.........

On 8/30 mom had a brain MRI at 9 in the morning by 2 the same day the doctor had already received the results. But because it was a holiday weekend didn't call to tell us until today. Yesterday before chemo I stopped at records to pick up a copy of the report.  It turns out mom has developed a brain aneurysm, right away I had the doctor paged so we could discuss what her treatment plan would be from here on out.  At which point we were advised to schedule an appointment to discuss it further. In the meantime we were told it was alright to have chemo yesterday so she did. So we went back this morning for a 7am appointment to meet with the oncologist to go over the report. She proceeded to tell us that they would keep an eye on the aneurysm and that she would refer us to a neurologist but she was pretty sure there was very little they could do about it  at this point surgically and if they did they would have to stop chemo while she recovered.  I know you've said time and time again you'd take expertise over bedside manner any day of the week, but in my opinion Empathy is something that can mean the world to someone who's ill and should go hand in hand with expertise. 

I'm so tired of dealing with doctors and nurses who are just in it for the billable hours and hourly wages treating patients like just another customer and not someone's mother, daughter, wife.