Monday, October 17, 2016

10 Months Later~

September 29, 2016


It's hard to believe it's been 10 months since our Mom passed away. The first few weeks after she passed were the worst the sharp ache that filled my heart was unbearable at times.  It took everything I had to want to get out of bed, be social or put on an ounce of makeup. Let's face it when you spend your whole life with someone and then all of sudden they're not there, it takes some time to get used to.  I'm not going to lie, it's a work in progress every single day, some days will be better then others and some days will very simply put just be a shit show. But all I could hear my mom saying was get your butt out of bed because you have 4 kids, a husband, your sister and brother who need you to keep it together, so I did. Do I constantly question the decisions I made in regards to my mom's health and care? Absolutely! I wouldn't be human if I didn't. But here are some of the things I don't regret for an instant and am so glad I did....
~  I was there for her.
~ During her very last chemo appointment helped her make personalized videos for everyone she cared about about and after she passed sent them to everyone so when they wanted to hear her voice it would just be a matter of pressing play.
-Now this may be weird and if you ask my sister she'll tell you I'm nuts but when out mother began to lose her hair and realized it was time to cut it I asked my mom if I could have my sister braid it so I could keep it. My mom joked and laughed about it at a time which lightened the otherwise sad feeling we were all feeling at the significance of what this all meant  and when my sister finally finished cutting it all off my mom quickly grabbed it and flung it at me laughing while saying " here you go Willard, whatever floats your boat!" Now it's only been a few times I've actually opened
The small case it's in, but as crazy as it seems being able to touch and smell  her hair that still smells like her has been quite comforting in those few times.