October 21st, 2015
Just an update on my mom.
Wish I could say the esphogeal & colonic stents placed in August had helped but they truly haven't.
Vomitting has become my mom's new norm and although she's on tpn 12 hours of everyday, she's constantly hungry.
For a while she was chewing and spitting but the novelty has worn off for her.
The palliative nurse suggested pleasure eating anything she wants whenever she wants with the understanding that although she'll probably throw up immediately after, she try to enjoy it while it's going down.
Since her month stay in the hospital
She's only done 2 rounds of Paxol as her 2nd line chemo but her cancer is still growing and seems to have spread to the bone.
She wasn't able to get her 3rd round of chemo last week because unfortunately her hemoglobin was low enough where she ended up getting a blood transfusion instead.
On another note her hair just started falling out this past weekend but amazingly enough it wasn't as drastic as we thought it would be.
Her pain has significantly increased along with the dosage of pain medication, up until now she'd been getting about 100 mg of morphine hourly through her pca today the the palliative team increased that to 120mg's an hour.
(Almost at the 3 year mark she turns and saids to me with a straight face
" Pca's are the best thing ever, why didn't You get me one of these thingy's sooner.)"
After reviewing her ct scans from this past Friday her palliative doctor doesn't think she'll make it to Christmas and wants me to talk to her about stopping chemo and calling in hospice. I feel torn. Is it premature?
When I kind of skimmed the subject with her today she said she'd like to do a few more rounds since she's only done 2 so far before she decides.
Which essentially means 6 more chemos.
I know she looks to me for guidance in making these life decisions.
I just feel like if I tell her it's time to call in home hospice she'll feel like I'm giving up on her.
As part of going hospice I'd have to stop her nightly feedings and just the idea of stopping tpn and essentially watching my mom starve to death breaks my heart.
The logical part of me saids it's time, but my heart saids I'm not ready to not be able to feel her hugs, hear her laugh or see her smile again...
Then again will I ever be?
