The morning of the day our mom passed away as we sat in the hospice home we swore we'd never go to, my cell phone rang and the gentleman on the other end of the call asked for our mother, when I asked what it was regarding he explained she had inquired about funeral insurance.
I proceeded to ask him to take my number off of his list and told him mom was on her deathbed at which point he asked me if there would be a better time to call?
Ironically, as stupid as his question was, I feel that dazed and confused all the time these days.
It's been 13 days since mom passed away and today is the first day I've been home alone to really process everything.
For the past 3 years I would get the kids ready for school every morning and after they had gone and the house was finally quiet. I would make my way to her room and tell her to stop smoking and ask if she wanted to try to eat even if she had said no to eating anything the day before.
The past two weeks have gone by in an absolute blur.
I've done everything I can to keep busy and not think about it but then I'll pick up dinner for the kids and realize I've also picked up something for mom or I'll think of some juicy gossip I forgot to mention to her and yell it out and realize no one is listening.
2 nights ago In the middle of the night I woke up because I could have sworn I heard her in the other room and when I went into the other room didn't find her but saw this on her tv that hadn't been on in days.
Wouldn't it be funny if this is how mom kept her promise to always watch over us? The loophole in heaven mom found to communicate to us she's ok.
I thought when she passed I'd feel relief which quite honestly I did, because for once in a very long time she was no longer in pain.
Now, although nothing's changed, life goes on, traffic keeps moving, we keep eating, breathing, sleeping, moving, it'll never be the same again~
Feeling lost without our Shira.....
