Chemo again...

Cindy:

The past few weeks have been pretty tough on my mom.  Chemo is finally starting to rear it's ugly head, she's barely awake these days. In the beginning she would be up and about by day 7, now she's not back to what resembles her old self until day 13. Being awake is no longer a necessity as much as it is a luxury.  She finds herself in bed sleeping at least 20 hours of every day.  I find myself wondering more and more if this is how the end of life begins? 

What used to be second nature for her has now become a laborous chore. Eating, getting up to use the bathroom, spending time with us all, things that used to seem so effortless now seem so extremely tiresome.

In a way I feel like she's been lucky to not experience what most people go through with this miserable disease if that makes any sense at all. And yet I find myself calling on god a little more often then usual these days. As selfish as it may seem I ask him for more time.. So she can watch my youngest start his first day of school or see my daughter go to her 4th daddy/daughter dance.  But I also ask him one thing every single day, that when her times does come she drifts into a peaceful, painless sleep that finally gives her all the rest she's ever needed.