Google it!!!

Cindy:

Who knew google could be your best friend and worst enemy all at the same time? Many a nights I've been up unable to sleep, a million questions in my head, yet no answers. 

Then like in the movies, a lightbulb appears above my head and I think to myself, Google it!!!

At first you start with cancer, then stomach cancer, then stage 4 cancer,  followed by cancer survivor, cures for cancer, cancer statistics ( which by the way haven't been updated in the past 5 years) cancer foods & recipes,support groups and before you know it one day has become a week and a week has become 6 months. 

 In the end you realize there only seems to be one common denominator and dissappointed you feel none the wiser. Everything you read mentions juicing, eliminating sugar, greasy foods and removing flavorful foods from your life. 

My mom has had me google everything from herbalists to witch doctors.

Every website refering you to another that'll sell you anything from vitamins to cat's claws and we're all to willing to do any of it in hope that just one thing will work. 

December 31st, 2013

So here we are a year later and I can honestly say we very seldomly ever google anything cancer related anymore. If mom wants to eat a bite of a big fat greasy cheeseburger or a bowl of sugar, all is fair game. We juiced pretty religiously for the first 6 months but eventually stopped juicing because too many fruits and veggies were going bad quicker then she could consume all of them, so now we just pick up 2 or 3 fresh fruit smoothies a day depending on how she's feeling from our favorite Chinese restaurant which is still less expensive then the $150 a week we were spending in produce. If she wants waffles for dinner and 1/2 box of homemade cookies for breakfast so be it. After over 20 rounds of chemo she's still eating more then she was in almost the whole year it took us to find out what was wrong with her.  One of the most difficult parts of this disease has been dealing with the depression aspect of it. How do you pull the one you love out of a blackhole so deep you yourself could get lost in it?

 Wish Google had an answer for that..

January 4, 2013

6:32 am

Laying in bed wondering what I can make mom today that will appeal to her while staying down all at the same time.

The last two days, she's had very little appetite even with the 20 mg of Marinol a day I've been giving her. Worsened by the fact she's thrown up at least 50% of the solid food she's eaten. 

However, I'm just glad she has managed to hold down the smoothies and the Iv hydration because it seems to be keeping her somewhat afloat. Her small frame is looking smaller these days and I've noticed her balance is getting worse, it's so off she fell once and almost a second time yesterday.  Monday will be chemo #21 after almost a month break, I'm just hoping she's feeling a little better before then and the blizzard that's been threatening to hit doesn't until after we're back home.