Say Something~

Cindy:

February 6, 2014

Thursday

Waking up every morning forcing myself out of bed just trying to snap out of the monotony that has become our life.

Washing my face, brushing my teeth debating whether or not I care enough about putting on an ounce of makeup, which by the way I don't, or running to the grocery store in pajama bottoms which doesn't really phase me these days either. I put on my "got to get through today pants" and out the door I go.

As I drove to pick up Elle today Christina aguillera's song, " Say something" 

http://youtu.be/-2U0Ivkn2Ds played in the background which had me crying all the way there. 

Replaying the movie reel of the past couple of months in my head. Thank god it was only a 30 minute drive.

Elle decided to stay with us an extra day until Saturday morning so we could all go out with the kids tonight. Which is always awesome, it was way too cold so mom decided to just stay home.

February 7, 2014

Friday

Mom spent most of the day in the living room with terrible nausea and pain, refused Iv fluids today and said she just wanted to sleep.

Hoping today was just one of those days, and tomorrow's a better one.

She slept on my shoulder and I ended up ordering one of those movies that you usually hate on demand "About Time" with Rachel Mcadams which FYI was pretty good and omg, a total tearjerker!" More of a reason for you not to watch it, I guess:-(

Got me thinking though..

About the could ofs, would ofs, should ofs. Wish I could travel back in time myself these days..

February 8, 2014

Saturday

Thinking about taking mom and the kids to Canada for spring break to see her brother. We'll see what happens...

I've also decided to go back to work next month, just crossing my fingers I can make it through a shift without melting down. Don't know who's going to have the worst separation issues mom, Ellie or me....

February 9th, 2014

Sunday

Sometimes the things you don't say, leave absolutely nothing to be said....

 It's been a while since I've felt anything but an overwhelming sadness,

Yet with every day that passes, the unhappiness that overwhelms me, is replaced by something so much stronger, Surrender..

And so my mantra begins..

Blood no longer defines the meaning of family, in the end it's defined by those that are there for you and the love that you share...

Just because nothing changes, doesn't mean anything will ever be the same again. 

I will live and love today and everyday as if though it were my last, because just like everything and everyone in life, tomorrow was and has never been promised...