Thursday~November 19th, 2015
10:00am
Only 38 more days until my mom makes 3 years since being diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach cancer with mets to the peritoneal cavity.
We never thought we'd be blessed with the gift of time but we have been.
Although the doctor's no longer believe the chemo is working and don't think she'll make it to Christmas our mom is determined to not give up hope and keeps trekking on while getting chemo every Monday until they make her stop.
According to her, side effects have been minimal with this new Paxol regimen besides losing her hair of course.
I've lost track as to how long it's been since she said she felt hungry or I've seen her eat because the tpn w/ vitamins I give her nightly have replaced the want or need for food.
But even though she's been receiving about 1800 calorie daily she continues to steadily lose about 3lbs a week and is about 107 lbs as we stand today.
Her vomitting has worsened and is a constant pain in the throat since the cancer spread to her esophagus yet we rarely ever hear her complain
Her pain is for now at a zero, being controlled by her handy dandy pca that delivers 225 mg of morphine per hour.
It's a catch 22... she's sleeping more but not in any pain.
This morning as I laid next to her In bed watching her fight off a fever, chills and vomitting I realize It's almost as though we've come full circle to the beginning when I never left her side when we worried if today was the day.
But the reason I'm writing this today is because for the first time in a long time I'm not afraid anymore. Although nothing prepares you, and I sometimes wonder if I'll feel a sense of relief when she's gone knowing she's no longer suffering.
Whether it's today, tomorrow or next week, CANCER didn't get the best of our mother and friend.
WE DID! Every single day, that she was in our lives, loving us, fighting for us and living for us. Because when her time comes where she's going, the good days will always outweigh the bad ones, Always.
Our mother. Our Shira. Our Hero.
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