December days~

Cindy:

December 16th, 2013

Monday~ 1:00pm
Chemo #20

So far so good, she's still getting a 46 hr 5fu infusion and will get disconnected on Wednesday. She even had a pretty good appetite today and requested Greek food, which she ate most of and was able to hold down all day:-)




December 17th, 2013 

Tuesday~10:30am

Waiting with mom to meet with Hipec surgeon #2 for second opinion.....



Same day ~1:30pm

Update to meeting with Hipec surgeon #2 :

The first hipec surgeon we met with out of Lutheran General told my mom she'd be a good candidate for Hipec. Just to dot are I's and cross are t's we decided to get a second opinion from a doctor Eric Grush had referred us to before he passed. He said Dr. Choi from University of Chicago had a really great bedside manner and he was absolutely right. We waited for almost 6 months to get an appointment with him because he was out of the country due to his own fathers diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer and subsequently his death . Unfortunately after going over all of my mothers scans in great depth and explaining it to us in great detail. He doesn't think she would benefit from the surgery. The cancer although he can't see it, he believes is lying between the small intestines. So even if she received the hipec procedure and it helped with everything else they wouldn't be able to remove any cancer she has on her small intestines and apparently we can't live without our small intestines. After crying my eyes out and going through all of the poor guy's Kleenex, I'm feeling so upset. Not at him for telling us what he would do if it was his mother, which quite honestly I really appreciated, but just in general. It's moments like this I just wish I could orb right out of here somewhere far away where know one could hear me and scream my lungs out about how unfair this all is and blame someone besides myself for not doing more in the very beginning. It's unbelievable how we could figure out to get to the moon but we can't stop people from dying of cancer. I'm just SO MAD! 
Where we go from here nobody knows, but I'll keep looking for answers in the meantime...

Every so often I remember I'm not super human and can't control everything even though I'd like too.
On those days after a cry fest & feeling slightly defeated because I let it get the best of me, I put my big girl cape back on and think
"Our fights not over, There's always tomorrow"..

December 19th, 2013

Thursday

Mom was pretty excited that you came over and showed her the wedding pictures. Even more excited that there were some really goods shots of the two of you:-) After you left we got to work on your Christmas gift which she hopes your really going to like. "Especially since you can't return it.

No worries little sister your gonna love it.

December 22, 2013

Sunday

Mom's been in bed the past three days just exhausted from chemo. I couldn't even cook in the house because I didn't want the smell to bother her. So the kids and I grabbed dinner out and brought her back some soup. She stayed in bed most of the day but got up for a while after I gave her hydration. This past chemo on December 16th she decided to take another chemo break until after the holidays so she could enjoy them and won't be resuming until sometime in January.

December 25, 2013

Today Jess took over all the cooking while everyone hung out.  Mom sat with us watching everyone open gifts and talking. We decided this year gifts would just be about the children and not the adults, but she was pretty excited to give Connie her gift. She bought her a recordable "Under the Same Moon" book and read it in her own voice adding a beautiful message at the end. She also included the gown she baptized her in 26 years ago, so she could have it for her future children. After we unwrapped gifts she went back to bed and woke up long enough to sit with us during dinner and while family & friends gathered.